1975 Island Films
A murderous couple, Christopher (Robert Behling) and Celia (Jane Lyle) escape justice by escaping to the 
small Greek island of Mykonos. While there they commit yet more horrendous crimes, so will they always elude justice or be held accountable for them?
Island Of Death is quite possibly the worst movie I have ever seen. The original Last House On the Left held that number one spot for many a year but this film now owns that dubious distinction! The screenplay is awful, the acting horrible and the film looks like it was put together by a film school dropout. All in all I must say that I really dislike this film. So much so that I feel dirty and unclean having watched it. Dirty and unclean in a bad way of course!
Nico Mastorakis wrote this, or maybe I should say tried to write this because it’s pretty much an incoherent mess. It’s supposed to be about a twisted and deviant couple who murder people for basically being ‘perverts’. Of course, the couple themselves are the perverts because they go around screwing everything they see, then murdering the people, all awhile taking photos of their deeds. I guess that’s supposed to be the whole idea behind this film but it’s so awful that I just can’t get into it at all. I don’t mind sex in movies but my goodness somebody is fucking something every five minutes in this. You have Christopher screwing a baby goat while it’s bleating, Celia having a lesbian sex scene with a heroin
addicted barmaid, Christopher peeing on a middle aged woman, and then Celia letting some homeless looking shepherd guy screw her not once but three times in the space of ten minutes. If you like exploitation type horror films then this might be up your alley, but it is way over the top for me and just too much. By including every dirty thing that he could dream up, Mastorakis makes the mistake of forgetting that sometimes less means more. Never mind the fact that what Celia ends up doing makes no damn sense as the film goes on since in the beginning she obviously doesn’t like what Christopher is up to. If that is the case then why the hell is she helping him out during the rest of the film?
Mastorakis also directs this and it is done with such a lack of imagination that I really doubt that the guy ever took a film class of any sort. All of the longer scenes, such as the many chase seuqences, seem disjointed because they are spliced so badly together. What is really laughable is the bad 70’s music that is played over parts of the film. I actually laughed out loud when a very, very bad song was played over the crucial chase scene when Christopher and Celia are running across the island from the police. It makes it sound like they are in some hippy commune instead of being on the run. During the end of one death scene 
there is this thumping playing so loudly as music that it totally distracts me from the poor guy dying! Isn’t music supposed to help a movie along and fit into it instead of taking you out of the film and making you wish you owned a pair of earplugs? Even the final death scene in the film was a let down. Instead of showing even a glimpse of what happens all we are allowed to see is smoke rising up. What the hell, I had to sit through this damn thing and all I get for a payoff is some smoke? There are a lot of poorly shot scenes including one in which two guys try to rape Celia while she is in a bathtub. They don’t even pull her out of it to do their job! Instead, it looks all awkward and messy because they are trying to get their clothes off and not get too wet at the same time.
Robert Behling has got to be one of the worst actors I have ever seen in a horror film. You learn right in the beginning that he can’t act his way through a paper bag by having to hear a monotone voiceover devoid of any emotion whatsoever. It is so bad I actually giggled! Then when the character goes on about perverts and how they should all die Behling puts no damn emotion into it all so it sounds like you are listening to Keanu Reeves reciting it! Yeah, that’s right this guy is as bad as him! Maybe they are related or something! The guy was in The Enforcer and Cujo after this and that’s it. Either he died or did the world a favor by not furthering his acting career! Jane Lyle does a little bit of a better job playing Celia but that is not saying much since she
spends half the movie on her back. Even if she was looking to star in porn movies she wouldn’t be any good at it because she just kind of acts like a dead fish. All the rest of the actors do in this is either fuck the main two characters or act creepy. Since pretending to screw somebody doesn’t take too much work, well at least by the looks of this film, I can’t say whether they are talented or not. Before I forget, and how could I, there is the character of Patricia played by Jessica Dublin. While she is trying to seduce Christopher she wags her tongue at him likes she’s a damn lizard! Now, that wouldn’t be so creepy if it isn’t for the fact that the woman is middle aged and showing her sagging boobies. I swear I feel like I am being anally probed after watching that particular scene!
Bloofer Lady cannot recommend this film in any shape or form. In fact, if a friend of yours suggests that the two of you watch it together they probably have ulterior motives! They do not care about your eyesight or about your mental health so I feel it would be best to never speak to them again!
You can buy Island Of Death here: Horror Movie Empire
Bloofer Lady
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