Horror Movie Empire.com Reviews

    CREATION

    Since the Wolfman is a werewolf he is obviously created by another one. He is either scratched or bitten by one and then when the moon turns full he too is big and furry. Legend actually dictates that the moon has nothing to do with him turning so maybe of he’s pissed off or just having a bad day he could turn then also! The Mummy, in the movies, is cursed to roam the earth forever because he has basically offended the gods in one way or another. Sometimes he plots to kill the pharaoh and at other times he tried to raise his dead loved one. Whatever the cause he is wrapped in bandages and is shut into a tomb for thousands of years before being discovered. Now, that can’t be any fun at all! I am going to have to go with the Mummy on this one because his origins are just way more horrific in my opinion.

    ABILITY TO BLEND IN

    When the Wolfman turns into a wolf-like creature it is quite obvious that he is not human. If he was to bound down a crowded city street then everybody would know that he is a dangerous beast bent on killing and maiming. This doesn’t give him much of an advantage at all because he can be killed rather quickly by somebody if they happen to have a gun with silver bullets. Then again, how many people actually own silver bullets? The Mummy also has this same problem. If he was to lurch down a street people would run away in terror, yet he doesn’t kill people for just the hell of it. He only usually kills people if they stand in the way of him reuniting with his long lost love. I would have to say that people wouldn’t have to be too afraid of him. The only way he could completely blend in and be thought harmless would be if he happened to be visiting a museum or just pretended he was a missing mummy or something like that. This one goes to the Mummy, because he can play dead quite easily and get away with it.

    PHYSICAL STRENGTH

    Our friend the Wolfman is quite strong and can break a man’s spine like a twig. Not only that he can run very fast and leap to great heights. If he’s after you you’re pretty much screwed, sorry to say. The Mummy is quite strong but doesn’t have the speed to really do much damage. He isn’t really given any strength despite the fact that he is thousands of years old. I find this quite sad and like seeing the character kick some ass in the newer Mummy series of films. The Wolfman wins this one.

    SUPERNATURAL POWERS

    The Wolfman really has no supernatural powers besides turning into a werewolf. I mean people don’t often turn into beats, right? This allows him to tear people to shreds quite easily. However, letting the beast take over can have negative effects. It points you out as being a monster automatically and you will have villagers trying to kill you left and right. So, even though the Wolfman is a supernatural beastie he really has no control over what happens to him. The Mummy has been alive for thousands of years and this is supernatural in itself. Besides that though he really doesn’t have any other power besides his ability to make women faint at the site of him. This one has to go to the Wolfman, for the simple fact that he does have a rather powerful supernatural power.

    WEAKNESSES

    Since the Wolfman is in fact a werewolf he has many weaknesses. According to folklore the poor guy has an aversion to wolfsbane. I would imagine that it would be rather disheartening to have something you are allergic to actually named after you! Besides that it is also stated that rye and mistletoe are effective against him. I guess you would place some about the place and the guy wouldn’t be able to get in. Then, there is the whole silver allergy that he has. This in fact a rather recent invention so can silver bullets really stop him or not? I wouldn’t want to find that out! The Mummy, on the other hand, is quite slow moving and has a real tendency to crumble. Also, his main weakness are women that look like his true long lost love. Every single time he sees one he’ll stop what he’s doing and just stare at her. So, if you get followed by him and have a female friend stick her in between you and the mummy and see what happens. The Wolfman wins this round.

    ON BEING DESTROYED

    The Wolfman can be destroyed by shooting him with silver bullets, but I imagine some sort of fatal wound such as a decapitation would also do the trick since he kind of needs that to breath and stuff. He can heal more quickly than humans but he isn’t totally immortal so in the end he can be destroyed. The mummy is pretty impervious to being stabbed and shot at but then again his slow movements really don’t help him. If somebody comes after him with an axe he can’t exactly move out of the way and run fast. The only mummy that I have seen that could get away in the movies is Imhotep from the newer Mummy series of films. He’s pretty much a bad ass that can direct storms, sand and other supernatural type forced. Killing him in particular would be much more difficult and time consuming. I am going to have to go with the Wolfman on this one because his character is more consistent in films and there is a bit of folklore behind him.

    When it comes to a battle I feel that the Wolfman would win simply because he could tear apart the Mummy. I really love the Mummy but the poor little guy wouldn’t stand a chance.

Bloofer Lady
Horror Crypt

So here we are again my friends with another death match on the horizon. This time we are putting Michael Myers against Jason Voorhees and big knife against big knife. Unlike Freddy vs Pinhead, where super natural ability and the ability to not be annoying played a major role in my decision, Jason and Michael are both mute, use a knife, and are kind of boring, so deciding who will win is going to be much harder. Will it come down to knife size? Who has bigger mommy/daddy/sister issues? Or whose legacy was more destroyed by a remake? Better mask? We will have to wait and see. Let the Death Match begin!

Michael Myers

Strictly talking the original films here, we start off knowing very little about Michael’s actual history. He apparently murdered his own sister, landing him in a mental institution of which he escaped 15 years later so that he could terrorize and murder more teenagers. He is what is referred to as the embodiment of  ”pure evil”  and he wears a William Shatner mask. He also has some kind of wheeze/asthma (probably due to the fact that there is no breathing hole in the mask) and carries your standard kitchen knife. His motive is pretty understandable as he searches in vain for his younger sister Laurie Strode- losing her or her daughter every single time. I’ve always wondered…maybe he just wanted to make amends, and recapture that strange thing called a family he once had. Who said he was ever going to kill them? He clearly just wanted an excuse to finally be able to celebrate Christmas. Regardless- he is still pitted as the “ultimate evil” and is unable to die at the hands of human weapons. He also probably smells.

Jason Voorhees

Absent from most of the first Friday the 13th, Jason is the product of his mother’s complete anguish and rage. A young boy who drowned at Camp Crystal Lake due to the untimely decision of the camp counselors to have sex while he was drowning- he is avenged in the first film by his crazy mother.
Although appearing in the first film as both a memory and a hallucination, Jason doesn’t become the primary antagonist until the 2nd film- where he stalks Alice due to the little fact that she decapitated his mother. From that moment on Jason seems to finish his mother’s work, killing off all annoying teenagers who partake in that evil act of SEX! Primary weapon: machete. M.O. : Momma’s Boy.  He too, is most likely smelly.

So let’s talk psychological history shall we? In a study done by California State University, participants dubbed Michael Myers a manifestation of pure evil due to the fact of his mental insanity. Crazy people scare the bejesus out of most people because they cannot comprehend their actions. There may be no logical reason why Michael Myers does the things he does or why he feels no emotion and kills anyone that gets in his way. Of course it is because he’s trying to get to Laurie but most people just see him as one crazy mother fucker which therefore=evil.

Jason however doesn’t have the clearest of motives or “evil” brooding and marinating inside his head. Rather, Jason is just doing what he thinks that decapitated head of his mother’s is telling him to do. Sure this basically renders him crazy as well, but only because he’s probably semi…mentally retarded. Look, it’s no real secret that when Jason emerges from the water at the end of the first movie that he looks kind of like that weirdo hick kid in Deliverance who plays the guitar (or Sloth from Goonies if you really want to be mean). Why was he even out swimming in the middle of the lake in the first place- and why was he swimming out there if he can’t even swim?!

Also what the hell was he doing all those years while he aged into a fully grown man? Things are just weird. I guess he could technically be crazy, but to me he’s just a weirdo, obsessed with his mother’s rotting head. The whole “manifestation of evil” doesn’t apply to him in the same way. “Manifestation of a really strong momma’s Boy”? Maybe. Which wait a minute! Where and how did Jason build up his strength in the middle of the woods anyways? I smell a rat.

Now moving onto murder weapons, Jason clearly has the upper hand. The machete is a far more powerful weapon as it has the ability to be swung and do quite a bit of damage. Putting aside the strange fact that it doesn’t really make sense why the camp cook had a machete and not a kitchen knife, (Other then to just top whatever Michael Myers had) if the battle was knife against machete then Jason would probably win. Neither of the two are really very mobile- so no one can really out sneak or out maneuver the other while duking it out. Therefore whoever has better knife skills will probably win. However neither really has any “knife skills” they just kind of…stick their victims with their weapons, and so in this case Jason would clearly win. Although he might take longer to swing- resulting in Michael to stab him in the gut–but like I said both are pretty slow on the uptake so I don’t see that happening.

In regards to which mask will allow for better breathing capabilities, Jason again wins…well depending on which sequel. The burlap sack can only really provide full blown asphyxiation but the hockey mask has several holes that will allow for breathing to thrive should the need to run ever arise. Michael’s mask is severely lacking in both peripheral vision and breathing, so if this death match ever evolves into a running/chasing/hiding contest he will unfortunately be dead within a few minutes.

As much as I hated both remakes of Halloween and Friday the 13th, the win unfortunately goes to Jason here. Rob Zombie’s remake killed one of the greatest things about Michael Myers- his pure evil. RZ shoved the character of little Michael down our throats and barely gave us time to swallow. Little Michael Myers was kind of nice, and just had a bad childhood????????????????????????????????????? The amount of question marks there is directly correlating to my anger. You can’t become pure evil because you had a bad childhood. YOU JUST ARE EVIL. God damn you Rob Zombie- you made Michael Myers into almost a bigger sissy/momma’s boy then Jason.

Oh damn it- all of my points make Jason the winner, how can this be?! As I said earlier the real outcome of this death match can only really be predicted by…luck and personal taste I guess. As someone who kind of really hates Jason Voorhees, I’m having a hard time trying to be objective here….because when I do Jason always wins! But screw this I’m going subjective and I’m going hard so here’s the deal. Jason Voorhees is a pansy ass momma’s boy. He would not have come into his evil existence had it not been for his crazy mother’s death. Michael Myers has always been and will continue to be, evil. There was no rotting head telling him what to do, or some dog disguised as the devil telling him why he needed to kill people. Michael Myers just went ahead and did it. That, my friends is all the explanation I need to make the decision that Michael Myers is the better man, killer, and defender of slasher films.

Make whatever decision you must, but just know that Michael Myers is 10 times better than Jason will ever be. He’s killing for himself, not his mother, and although Rob Zombie made a bigger mess of his legacy, he is still strong enough to survive despite those shenanigans. Long live Michael Myers and when the time for the death match begins, just insult Jason’s mother long enough to make him cry and then stab the crap out of his dumb trollish face. Thank you.

Vote now for the winner on the side bar! The winner of the death match gets all of their DVDs marked down by 13%! Pick Michael. Do it. Just kidding  : )

Andre Dumas

The Horror Digest

Which creature do you think is best and that would win in a battle to the death: Frankenstein’s monster or Dracula? I am going to give you my opinion based upon a number of different categories.

CREATION: Frankenstein’s monster was created by, you guessed it Dr. Frankenstein. In a lab he assembled a bunch of different body parts taken from dead men, sewed them together, harnessed some lightening, and came up with a monster that scared everybody it came in contact with. We are never told exactly how Dracula was created. Obviously he was turned into a vampire by another vampire, but how did that happen and when? I am going to have to give this round to Frankenstein’s monster, because being composed of dead body parts is pretty darn cool I must say!

ABILITY TO BLEND IN: When you are a monster being able to blend into humanity can make all the difference as to how successful you are when it comes to securing victims. Frankenstein’s monster doesn’t blend in one bit, and in fact he scares the crap out of everybody he comes in contact with. His black lips, yellowish looking skin and mismatched limbs scream out to everybody that he is not exactly human and should be avoided at all costs. This in turn makes it very difficult for him to communicate with humans. Dracula, on the other hand, can blend into humanity very easily when he chooses to! In fact in the novel Dracula he has the ability to even walk in sunlight. This gives him a huge advantage since humans don’t expect something totally evil to be about during the day. His victims don’t know that he is going to rip their throats out so he he can kill at will! This round goes to Dracula.

PHYSICAL STRENGTH: Frankenstein’s monster is very, very strong. He can quite easily strangle somebody with his bare hands and swipe away harassing villagers with a flick of the wrist. However, his slow movements and staggering gait slow him down and makes his strength not as potent as it could be. When humans see him approach they can easily move out of the way even before he gets to them. If he had the ability to move just a little bit faster his strength would have a much greater affect. Dracula also has super human strength but unlike Frankenstein’s monster he can move very quickly! Before a human can think about escaping he can be at their neck and have them half drained of blood. This round has to go to Dracula.

SUPERNATURAL POWERS: When it comes to supernatural powers Frankenstein’s monster doesn’t really have any does he? He only does if you count the fact that his very existence is kind of supernatural in nature. Creature composed of body parts don’t rise from the slab every day of the week! Dracula though has many supernatural powers. First off he has the ability to change into either a bat or a wolf. This gives him the ability to get out of sticky situations quite swiftly! Plus, he can attack humans while he is either animal, so it doesn’t interfere with how he takes his nourishment. Secondly, he can put somebody under his spell by just looking straight into their eyes. Lastly, even in his human form he can move very swiftly and climb up and down walls. Sorry Frankenstein’s monster, yet another round goes to Dracula!

WEAKNESSES: Frankenstein’s monster is deathly afraid of fire because the poor guy got burnt once and can’t forget that horrible memory. This makes him very vulnerable when it comes to villagers armed with torches. Since he’s so slow he also has a problem when it comes to escaping from his attackers. Dracula is allergic to silver, holy water, crosses and running water. That’s quite a lot of things! Also, when he goes out during the day his powers are greatly diminished. However, he does have the ability to move away quickly from such situations. I am going to go with Dracula on this one. Even though he has more weaknesses his strengths balance them out.

ON BEING DESTROYED: Since Frankenstein’s monster is so afraid of fire and freaks out when he sees it it could be quite easy for somebody to set the poor guy on fire! However, he has that supernatural strength thing going on so it would make it very difficult for somebody to kill him otherwise. Dracula can be destroyed by driving a stake in his heart, and according to movies by sunlight. I am going to discount the whole sunlight thing since that is an invention by Hollywood. The thing with trying to kill Dracula is that you have to catch him first. This would be quite difficult to do at night but during the day, while he is weak, he would be quite easy to stake. I am going to have to go for Frankenstein on this one since he isn’t weaker during any specific time of the day.

I feel that Dracula is the better monster. He is more effective when it comes to killing, and his ability to blend in with humanity makes him far superior to Frankenstein’s monster. If the two were to battle it out to the death Dracula would look into the eyes of Frankenstein’s monster and make him drop off a cliff. It’s as simple as that!

Vote for who you think is the better monster! Voting will be open for one week. All of the DVDs that feature the monster who gets the most votes will be 13% off the following week, after the results are in.

Bloofer Lady
Horror Crypt